There are some prayers that I find hard to pray sincerely, and they feel somewhat dangerous when I speak them out. But these are the prayers that I know I need to be praying and bringing before God, even if I'm not quite sure I mean them yet, asking for a desire to do so.
Your will be done... Have your way... Break my heart... Stretch me... Teach me how...
Something that God has been talking to me about recently is about having fun, letting go and enjoying the journey. I'm not sure why I struggle with this, but I suppose I tend to plan ahead, striving for excellence and order and taking things fairly seriously and this can often get in the way of enjoying the moment, seeing the fun and fully engaging with the present. But He is working on me this!
I believe God is a God of creativity and fun, of adventure and excitement. But the same is true for Him taking me seriously, knowing how I tick, seeing the depths of my heart, my deepest desires and He meets me there.
I know that despite finding these prayers hard to pray, my desire is truly for God to have His way in my life and be glorified through the fun stuff and through the serious stuff. He knows this and hears me and takes me at my word.
Over the past few days I have been reminded of the prayer of surrender, Have your way, LORD. One which I have prayed so many times regarding so many situations, even knowing that His way is not necessarily the way I want things to go. And so many times I have seen Him answer this, sometimes in the way I hope and expect, but more often than not, in a very different way which I later come to realise is so much better. I have been encouraged this week by friends who I know are also praying this prayer sincerely, and seeing God faithfully answer, working out His perfect will in their lives. And its not easy, but it is so good. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts on than your thoughts..."
Day 8 has been quieter and more reflective. I have again been for coffee (well, peach iced tea this time!) and enjoyed time in the sunshine with friends, I finished Her Daughters Dream, I've been watching the swimming in the Commonwealth Games, but I have had a lot more time and space to pray and think and simply be, today. I've needed that, I think, before I head in to these next few weeks of fullness, newness, challenge, fun and adventure.
Time to breathe in and out and come again before God.
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