Wasted

My room smells like stale beer.

And chewits.

Outside, in the corridor, there are strewn bits of duct tape and crushed cans.

I put them in the recycling before I came to bed.

It's the first time pre-drinking has happened in my room since Fresher's Week, probably. Largely due to the fact that I don't pre-drink, and it also may have something to do with the affectionate term 'clean freak', by which my friends refer to me.

We made it through the evening with barely any spillages though.

So that's all good.

Lisa and the guys were waiting at least 20minutes for me to get ready to go out, despite trying to rally everyone up and out for the last hour and a half.

But it's so windy outside.

It's 00.30am.

And those who are drunk don't care that it costs £5 to get in the Union this evening.

Since I am not one of the drunk, I am quite unwilling to part with that fiver, which has to last me until Sunday evening..

And so my night ends here.

But the journey continues.

:)

I've had such a beautiful day today. Filled with prayers, and answers to prayers, friends, good times, great food, quiet time in the library, singing, and even the odd bit of uni work!

And tonight, one of the girls asked me if I've always believed in God.

I told her no.

I haven't.

And I shared a bit of my story.

Her question led to a conversation about church, which progressed to proving (or disproving) God's existence, and then to the ideas people have of what makes a person a Christian..

As I spoke with her, I was reminded, yet again, that being a Christian is not about what we do. It's almost got nothing to do with us.

It's basically all God (by all, I mean about 99%).

If it weren't for God, providing us with that way to reach Him - we'd all have had it already. There would be no point to life at all.

Life would be such a waste.

But He reached out. Came down. Bridged the gap. Made the effort. Died even. Conquered death (and do we even really know what that means?!)

He did all that.

So we could know Him.

And our meagre 1% is this.

Believe it. Accept it. Acknowledge it.

Let it move and change us.

Not change us, like, change who we are. But change us as in, let it renew us, set us free, heal us, cleanse us..

And yet, rather than this response, most of the time we throw all His effort back in His face.

Some of us by not believing any of it (i'm not judging, I fully understand that it's not the easiest thing to believe..)

Some of us by thinking that us getting to heaven is based on how many good things we've done.

Others of us, by 'accepting' God's love and forgiveness but still striving to please Him like it will make Him love us more.

And still others, who know God and yet openly choose to ignore Him, or still live for ourselves.

To be honest, at different points in my life, I've fallen in to all of these categories.

Tonight, I hope I fall in to none.

I don't want to throw anything back in God's face.

I want to thank Him for having mercy, and patience. For loving me despite my unbelief. Despite my failings. Despite me.

I often find it so hard, but I really want to tell others about this love I've found.

This love that has found me.

I wish they knew about it.

I wish they could experience it like I have.

It's just so hard to put in to words, and then have the boldness to speak it out.

I wish that girl who was asking me those questions this evening, could know the fullness and the freedom that comes from knowing Jesus.

Not just knowing of Him.

But really knowing Him.

Know that He truly loves her. Regardless.

He loves me and you like this, too.

And if my life, in any way, displays the love that Christ has shown to me, then my life is not wasted.