Back to Blogspot

Back to blogspot.

After temporary residence elsewhere, and a few thoughts lost along the way, my blog is back here and perhaps after February, when life has calmed down again I will actually start getting some quality time to write.

Worth noting though that the past two weeks have been some of the best days of my uni experience so far.
It snowed here last week, there have been some great times of worship with friends, awesome time spent studying God's word, fun times teaching friends how to cook, the shame of running for the bus three days in a row because I'm always late, fun and games with KUCU, a trip to see a Shakespeare play, a whole lot of friends episodes, meeeeeeetings, not enough sleep, too many meals spent eating out, reading about things that don't really interest me although they should, awesome times partying on down at reflex (90s style!), Preaching Training, another new phone, not quite enough time spent jamming on guitar but some at least, planning for next year, re-learning americanisms, essay writing, talking spanish....

And I'm thankful to God for all of this. For friends, and a good education, for a roof over my head, for money to spend as I wish on food and entertainment, for the chance to know Him more through worship and reading His word, for the opportunity to steward wisely the resources and gifts he's given me.

I'm absolutely and thoroughly blessed in life. God is so good to me.

It saddens me to think of how distracted I get by stresses and cares of this world though, and how easily I sub-consciously strive to conform to earthly patterns and desires.

But it's nice to sit back sometimes and reflect on what's going on, and hopefully in the days that follow I can learn to appreciate more the life God has given me, and the purpose He has created me for.

Post-it Note Promise

I should be in bed.

But since I'm not yet, i'll write a quick post :)

Just reflecting on my day (as one does, at half past midnight..) and I updated my facebook status to:

"today my day was beautiful, sunshiney, fun, long, tired, blessed, nerve-racking, exciting, filled with friends, surprising, God-given, emotional, busy, abundant, adventurous... all glory and thanks be to God :):)"

That just about sums it up.

Today has been filled with both a number of challenges and also many wonderful things. Things which I have thoroughly enjoyed and embraced and would do again in a heart beat, and things that could not be avoided but were necessary and will inevitably have caused me to grow, even though I would never choose them if given the option.

And therein lies one of the beauties of life.

The element of surprise!

Who (aside from God) knows what tomorrow is going to bring?

Every day I wake up and start my day with God, and I rarely know what's gonna come but I always know He's gonna be there with me.

And for that I praise Him.

For the past few months, I've had a post-it note that sits next to where my phone and keys live, and it reads:

"I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and rescue you." Isaiah 46:4

The honest truth is, with all that is going on right now, I should be a mess. And perhaps I am to some extent.

But I know full well, that I am not doing this in my own strength. If I was, I would have already given up and gone home (and would probably be in bed already).

But Father God has made a promise, that He will sustain me.
And He is doing exactly that.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Here I am, boasting in my weakness. Knowing that most of this is a lot too big for me. And so I rejoice in the fact that Christ's power is made perfect in my weakness and He is quite happy to use me anyway, despite how little I am.

Are you feeling weak lately?

If so, rest in the fact that His power is made perfect through that very weakness.

His grace is sufficient.

Hallelujah!

Wasted

My room smells like stale beer.

And chewits.

Outside, in the corridor, there are strewn bits of duct tape and crushed cans.

I put them in the recycling before I came to bed.

It's the first time pre-drinking has happened in my room since Fresher's Week, probably. Largely due to the fact that I don't pre-drink, and it also may have something to do with the affectionate term 'clean freak', by which my friends refer to me.

We made it through the evening with barely any spillages though.

So that's all good.

Lisa and the guys were waiting at least 20minutes for me to get ready to go out, despite trying to rally everyone up and out for the last hour and a half.

But it's so windy outside.

It's 00.30am.

And those who are drunk don't care that it costs £5 to get in the Union this evening.

Since I am not one of the drunk, I am quite unwilling to part with that fiver, which has to last me until Sunday evening..

And so my night ends here.

But the journey continues.

:)

I've had such a beautiful day today. Filled with prayers, and answers to prayers, friends, good times, great food, quiet time in the library, singing, and even the odd bit of uni work!

And tonight, one of the girls asked me if I've always believed in God.

I told her no.

I haven't.

And I shared a bit of my story.

Her question led to a conversation about church, which progressed to proving (or disproving) God's existence, and then to the ideas people have of what makes a person a Christian..

As I spoke with her, I was reminded, yet again, that being a Christian is not about what we do. It's almost got nothing to do with us.

It's basically all God (by all, I mean about 99%).

If it weren't for God, providing us with that way to reach Him - we'd all have had it already. There would be no point to life at all.

Life would be such a waste.

But He reached out. Came down. Bridged the gap. Made the effort. Died even. Conquered death (and do we even really know what that means?!)

He did all that.

So we could know Him.

And our meagre 1% is this.

Believe it. Accept it. Acknowledge it.

Let it move and change us.

Not change us, like, change who we are. But change us as in, let it renew us, set us free, heal us, cleanse us..

And yet, rather than this response, most of the time we throw all His effort back in His face.

Some of us by not believing any of it (i'm not judging, I fully understand that it's not the easiest thing to believe..)

Some of us by thinking that us getting to heaven is based on how many good things we've done.

Others of us, by 'accepting' God's love and forgiveness but still striving to please Him like it will make Him love us more.

And still others, who know God and yet openly choose to ignore Him, or still live for ourselves.

To be honest, at different points in my life, I've fallen in to all of these categories.

Tonight, I hope I fall in to none.

I don't want to throw anything back in God's face.

I want to thank Him for having mercy, and patience. For loving me despite my unbelief. Despite my failings. Despite me.

I often find it so hard, but I really want to tell others about this love I've found.

This love that has found me.

I wish they knew about it.

I wish they could experience it like I have.

It's just so hard to put in to words, and then have the boldness to speak it out.

I wish that girl who was asking me those questions this evening, could know the fullness and the freedom that comes from knowing Jesus.

Not just knowing of Him.

But really knowing Him.

Know that He truly loves her. Regardless.

He loves me and you like this, too.

And if my life, in any way, displays the love that Christ has shown to me, then my life is not wasted.

Friends.

I haven't got anything to say today. Which is a first.

And it's late, so usually by now, if I'm still awake, my head is teeming with words and thoughts and newly acquired information.

But today, apparently not.

But I'll say something.

Because the title of my blog requires me to.

And just in case there was something to say, I'll say something, so nothing goes unsaid.

This morning I handed in two essays and a portfolio (yes, I deleted one of the questions in my portfolio because I couldn't answer it, and I just hope they don't notice. please note, I haven't stooped that low in any of my other work. thank you.)

Anyway, so work finally handed it. Receipts received. Weight lifted?

YES.

Time for a quick load of laundry?

YES.

(Admin and emails and boring stuff - skip that bit!) and THEN my beautiful friend Steffi phoned, coz we needed a catch up before she has an operation on her vocal cords tomorrow and so she can't speak for FIVE DAYS..

*1 hour passed*

And then I went for a spontaneous coffee with a friend. Well, more like a chat with a friend since we didn't have coffee and he had like 15 minutes to spare before meeting his tutor and the person I was supposed to be meeting never showed.

So yeah. By this time in my day, it's 2.30pm, and I realise I haven't eaten yet.

Fail.

But I got chips with cheese and beans (yay for student food!).

Bit of a chill sesh with the Chapel gang... (it's nice to have somewhere to go when plans fall through!!)

*1 hour passed*

..followed by a VERY EXCITING phone call from Jessie, who is back in the UK for Christmas.

*30 minutes and a bus journey passed*

And then went for Coffee with another friend. This time it was planned. But this time was also free from coffee since we both got Earl Grey Tea (it's sophisticated and really tasty. double bonus.) There were smiles and giggles and tears and God talk and girl talk and lots of encouraging words shared.

Good times.

Plus it was snowing heavy outside.

Even more good times.

*2 hours passed*

And so after saying bye, I caught the bus home and waited for 5pm to roll round as I was expecting a call from yet another friend, another catch up.

And there was less giggle and less girl-talk, but more God talk and stories shared and talk of christmas family traditions, and I'm sure many encouraging words too.

*1 hour passed*

And finally (pretty much, finally) - a girly evening out at the Sneyd. Great food. Even greater friends. LOTS of girl talk, reminiscing of high school and odd habits, and about the times of our lives when we never knew each other.

*3 hours passed*

My day today consisted almost entirely of time with friends. New ones, old ones, ones that are far away, ones I won't see for a while, ones I don't know that well, ones I know like the back of my hand, ones I'm looking forward to getting to know a lot better!!

The only thing I can say, is thank you:

'Thank you God, for blessing me with good friends. Friends who love and encourage me. Friends who lead me closer to you, and who inspire me to live a life of love. Thank you that I am not alone. That I can share this life with loved ones. Thank you for being the best friend anyone could know. When I have days like this, with amazing friends, I realise how far above it all, you are, God. Thank you for giving all that you are, so that I could be called your friend."

John 15:15 (the words of Jesus)

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

I, indirectly, got called an f***ing moron today...

I'm tired, and I'm having one of those days where I just can't be bothered.

There's a lot of work that I should be doing, but I really just don't want to.

I feel lonely today.

And a little doubtful.

And I'm not sure what I'm doing here.

But I'll press on. And keep faith.

For faith is being sure of what I hope for, and certain of what I do not see.

I'm hoping for the future He has for me. I hoping this is all what He says it is.

I am certain, or I will try to be - though I do not see.

Because the most important things in life are the things we can't see.

I can't see the love that I feel for my family and my friends, but I can feel it. It's important, and it keeps me alive.

I can't feel the oxygen in the air. But I know I breathe it in. It's important. And it keeps me alive.

Even when there's no clock around to tell me, I know time exists. But I can't see it, I can't necessarily feel it.

I have enough reason to believe that these three things are real.

Yet I have not seen any of them. Have you?

And I can't see God. Not yet.

But for the most part, I can feel Him.

And when I can't feel Him, it doesn't mean He's not there.

'I've learnt to reach out just the same.'

For I believe that God is who He says He is.

He is always with me. He is enough. He is mighty to save. He is able. He is compassionate. He is love. He is.

The Bible may just seem like an old book. But it is full of truth, that not only was true once upon a time, it continues to be true. Even today.

Either God is the God of all things, or He is not God at all.

God, by nature of being 'God' can not lie, and can not fall short of anything He claims to be. If He did, He would cease to be God.

God (god)

- n

1. theol The sole Supreme Being, eternal, spiritual and transcendent, who is the creator and ruler of all, and is infinite in all attributes...

When people say Christians are fools (or a 'f***ing morons') for believing in a higher power, for believing that there is a God that created all things, I can't help but think, 'Really? You think we're fools?'

OK so say there was no God then, we would rely on the assumption that from nothing, the earth and everything in it, became what it is now, by random chance, and for no apparent reason.

Is that what we should believe?!!

Surely this is harder to believe, than believing in some form of higher power or creator.

You can't possibly call me a fool!

I may not have it all right, but God, whatever and whoever He is, exists.

I know it.

And I know there's more to the story, but for now I'm leaving it there.

I pray that the people I love will understand this, one day, before it's too late.

I pray that I'm a good example, that I will be evidence enough, and that I won't give in to pride and not use every opportunity I can to help them see.

I pray that open eyes, would not just be open, but they would also be able to see.

Will truth prevail?

I believe so.

Praise be to God.

Meet the Girls.

This afternoon I plucked up the courage to walk down the hall, knock on Elly's door and ask her if I could join her while she jams out on her Uke.

One of the best decisions I made this week I feel :)

Elly is a new friend of mine. She lives in E block avec moi, just a few doors down the hall. Hails from Congleton (near/in Stoke). Loves Owls. Had orange hair once upon a time. Plays the Ukulele. Sings beautifully (with the coolest British accent might I add). And she writes and performs her own music.

She's nothing short of a legend.

And so I sat and sang a few harmonies while she played today.

And soon after, Lisa came to join us too.

Lisa is also a new friend of mine. She, too lives in E block avec moi, next door to Elly. Hails from the Cambridge area (St. Neots of all places!!). Has a nose piercing like me. Loves trampolining, working with kids, volunteering, giving out plasters to people and being the 'mum' of the group.

She's incredibly passionate and asks lots of questions. A girl after my own heart...

So Elly played and sang, and Lisa and I sang along too, and we revelled in our mutual love for both Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber. And then when Dan let me borrow his guitar, we had two instruments and three voices and it was just pure awesomeness, occurring before our very eyes.

Before we knew it, we realised we were only one girl short of being our very own Girl Band (unfortunately Amy wasn't here this afternoon!)

By 7.45pm, having being taught 5 chords on the Ukulele and feeling rather accomplished, we set down our instruments and set about finding food, since none of us had eaten tea yet although we were all really hungry but had just being having too much fun to notice our rumbling tummies!

*...pot noodle.

*international students.

*pub quiz....

We ended the evening with Cadbury's Hot Chocolate, chocolate digestives and a good old natter to put the world to rights. The conversation went from boys, to work, to God, back to boys, to kids, to more serious topics like abuse and poverty and religion and life...

There's nothing like your girlfriends to have a good proper chat with.

I do miss my old friends, in Canada and in Halesowen...

But I'm making new ones.

I'm making memories.

And I'm having fun.

Thank you LORD.

me, amy, elly, lisa

the girls

I HEART PUB QUIZZES!

Yes. It's true.

I am a total sucker for Pub Quizzes.

I took a long stroll up from the Late Night Service at the Chapel, to meet my block mates in the local and of course, it's the Sunday Night Pub Quiz.

*Instant Excitement*

I was only there for the last two rounds though.

History. And Michael Jackson songs.

I was basically only of some help in the Jacko round, and contributed to 6 out of the 10 questions.

However, I shall from now on, alwayssss remember that George III was the King of England during the War of Independence (I knew it was a George! But apparently not George IV. Oh Well..)

Gotta love pub quizzes.

Even if your team comes last with 31 out of 60.

The guys weren't too stoked when I suggested we look on the bright side, and come often so we can chart our growth in general knowledge as we make our way through our various uni courses.

Better luck next time, eh?!

To be fair, it did take 7 days to get like this...

And it's probably all down hill from here....

Un-clouding my cloudy mind.

• It's 1am on Thursday August 19th.

• I'm tired and bored. I really want to go upstairs, get ready for bed and read a couple of chapters of Primo Levi's If this is a Man. I have exhausted every possible time-filler on my laptop (facebook, yahoo, ebay, university stuff) and yet can't seem to drag myself away to go read, or to get some well-needed sleep. Weird.

• I've also noticed that the last post on my blog was L O N G. Shan't be posting long ones like that very often!

• Went to the Botanical Gardens tonight with Mom and a rather huge group of other people I know and love. We saw The Importance of Being Ernest by Oscar Wilde. It was good, although I prefer Shakespeare. Also, whilst there I caught up with someone I haven't seen in a while! She's as beautiful as ever, and her and the family doing well. That was also good.

• Momentum on Saturday! Looking forward to seeing friends I haven't seen in a while, and hanging out with God. Which, in all honesty, I haven't done in a while either..

• Excited about, but slightly freaking out about Uni... I know it's gonna be fine. Just saw Psalm 32:8 on someone's fb profile, and realised that it's pretty much verbatim of a word that God spoke to me whilst in Canada deciding whether or not to stay there or come home to university... the verse is The LORD says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."
  I didn't realise it was scripture until just now. That's very cool. Thank you LORD. :):)

• We're almost two thirds of the way through twentyten. Time goes so fast...

• Goodnight.